我個女的優勢


米兄你又擺我上檯借題發揮嘞。

不過中產爸爸的苦真的好實在,香港的確不是人住的。幾百呎爛樓的價錢,拿到別處,深圳就不用說了,就算到美國有錢區例如Wellesley,都可以買座幾層豪宅。

小C甚麼都不缺,我想若果說她含金匙出世,也是可以的。

小女含金匙出世,不起跑已經by default比人贏了幾圈,為娘我來說甚麼別爭別鬥,盡是風涼話不知民間疾苦。(不過原文其實是感慨,為何學校不能教團隊精神,卻要分化?)

我想,小女她,真是有優勢的!以下是最重要的幾項,就是我們送給她的禮物:

優勢一

沒有工人跟出跟入,小C每天要收拾飯檯,抹地,摺衫,執垃圾,收拾細佬之破壞,必要時餵細佬吃討厭的水果但不自己偷吃。其實,還應該可以做更多。

市儈地看,有責任心、不奉旨、(一定程度上)知道生活得來不易的人,不是將來老闆喜歡的麼?

優勢二

很少添置現成玩具,雖然我家一屋廢物。

我最憎人送她生日禮物乜乜物物,今時今日的玩具最能使人暴斃--生命也好創意也好。這項,我的孩子和幾十年前的孩子,贏港孩五十條街。

優勢三

將來的projects,不會「落入全職母親之手」。

上星期老師要求學生從報紙雜誌剪出太陽,貼於紙上。小C找了一會便宣佈放棄,我說OK妳明天跟老師說找不着吧。她咦咦哦哦,才又死死氣再找。為娘見狀,即揼心口,啐,大好的K2欠交機會,就此白白浪費,多想她真的就帶白紙回去呀!揹過大鑊,肯定以後二年班、中二、大二20年都不敢再欠交了。K2不欠交,等幾時呀;二年班不欠交,又等幾時呀。

為娘我總在洗洗切切抹抹洗衣乾衣,恐怕沒空搞她的projects,雖則很多人認為全職師奶都是吃飽飯等CC和等projects。不過就算脫節師奶吃飽飯,其實平日在office做慣做熟powerpoint的人,看着發下來的project功課,是否可能比師奶更難忍手呢?

「如果我們只放手讓孩子自己做,回校時兩個project一比較之下……小朋友會不會自己也覺得被比下去了呢?」這個時候,黑心家長如我應該別過臉偷笑!Project會「落入全職家長之手」的孩子,被家長悉心培育成廢人,從小已輸足七十個維園球場,將來就算被全職家長跟project跟至名牌大學畢業,在公司裡project再不能落入全職家長之手,廢人便終於站不住陣腳,這類人我見得太多。

優勢四

知道我們總是愛她,無條件地,就算如果有天她衰衰地、壞壞地。She is loved for who she is, not who she will become.

知識和技能不難學到甚至買到,從小培育對事對人對己的態度,卻是無價。上述數項優勢,我想不出,有甚麼是跟個錢字有關?有甚麼,不是好姐她基層一家不能做到,或者比我們做得更好?

_________

順口一句回米兄,小C只是將學校教的phonics跟我說,其實現在很多街坊幼稚園亦一樣有phonics教,反之幾十年前,鬼仔學校也只是A for apple B for boy。時代進步,「如果是窮家子弟」,現在也可以「在兒時便已懂得分辦C有C與S的發音」,放心啦。

P.S.  喂幾時畫番幅家姐+二少先?

38 則迴響

Filed under 小C,

38 responses to “我個女的優勢

  1. >我想不出,有甚麼是跟個錢字有關?

    IF you HAVE TO work full time, work 10-12 hr a day, do you think you can still do No. 1 and No. 2?

    • 納奧美

      No.1: “沒有工人" 跟 “沒有工人跟出跟入" 是不同的. 正如下面 Jenni說, 有工人, 也不一定要跟出跟入. (同樣, 無工人, 全職阿媽/爸都可以跟出跟入)

      No. 2: “很少添置現成玩具" 跟"很少玩具" 是不同的. 可能你指的是因為父母終日出外為口奔馳沒有很多時間陪細路玩, 如此一來為滿足自己的補贘心理(咁就唯有要自我調節), 二來要讓細路有所寄情, 所以難以不買玩具. 但, 其實玩具一定要有, 但不一定要買 (也不一定要人送). 注意, 阿四話, “一屋廢物" 呀! 不過, 係足以滋養生命和創意的廢物喎. 例如?? 諗下就知.

      我都係一日返工10-12 hr(sometimes more)的, 亦都努力做緊No. 1 & No.2. 效果有冇阿四咁好就唔知亦唔需要計, 但我會做, 我亦要做. 做起來究竟係我難D還是阿四難D(嗱, 我估 “要" 買現成玩具, 阿四一定可以疏爽過我喎) 都好難講, 但, 那是一個目標, 一個信念.

    • HKMomInUS

      It is naive to say Little C’s advantages have nothing to do with wealth. As many of you pointed out, money buys you flexibility and options. I certainly agreed with mama4’s philosophy that I want my kids to be responsible and gainful individual. I don’t want them to take things for granted. I want them to learn the virtue of hard work. I do not want to inflate their material world that they are not motivated to achieve success on their own. My friends always comment how my kids are well behaved, articulate and advanced in skills. Certainly, everything we have is God’s grace, but I would be lying if I tell you it had nothing to do with our wealth. My kids have 2 Ivy-league educated parents with high financial freedom. We have more flexibility and options than 99.9% of the population. While we have domestic help, we can easily take time off from work to take the kids to school and give them at least 4-5 hours of quality time each day. We can actually choose to work less and make less money when our kids are young. Like mama4, we do not lavish our kids with a lot of material goods. But, we are heavily invested with our kids. They have a college educated nanny when they were little. Now, they go to a very high quality (and very expensive) nursery school. 99.99% of the people out there cannot afford to send their kids to Little C’s international school. While mama4 may not buy many toys for Little C, I’m sure Little C’s lifetime education expense alone is going to be north of US$1 million.

      Certainly, we all know even sending your kids to the best school in the world do not guarantee lifetime success. But, it is a denial if I tell you my kids or mama4’s kids started out life with equal footing to some poor, inner city kids who have single parent. You can’t ask someone to give when they have nothing to give.

      I have a lot of sympathy with parents who are struggling to provide the best for their children. Since I work, I know it’s a very difficult world out there. I have friends who are highly educated, hard working and modest but still struggle with providing better childcare options for their kids. Recently, one of my friends shared with me her worries about her son who has a speech delay. It’s not surprising at all since her son spends most of his time with an uneducated, low energy, 60+ yrs old ToiShan nanny. I only listen to my friend with sympathy. I am not going to tell them that they should spend more time talking and reading to their kid or hire a better nanny or send the kids to better enrichment programs, etc. I know they cannot afford to do better. I know people have suboptimal childcare arrangement is not because they don’t know better. Most of the time, it’s because they don’t have the resources and flexibility to do it.

      • “–>上述數項<–優勢,我想不出,有甚麼是跟個錢字有關?"
        Hmmm… I believe we are talking about quite different advantages to start off with aren't we?

        Some might think having a college-educated nanny or going to an international school surrounded by kids from ivy-league families are a sure advantage, i do think those advantages are sometimes double-edged. Reader eeb has already pointed out that what 小C lacks is indeed her not lacking anything (materialistic)! While I am very thankful for the $ we have and the things and choices $ has brought us, including how it has allowed me to stay at home, both my husband and i tend to think that kids such as 小C who have everything paved out for them won't turn out to be very competitive or successful, at least in the long run!

        Sure we all start off with very different footing, and the wealthy and the government should do all they can to help the truly unfortunate. While I feel for the large number of grassroots families especially the single-parent ones, the point of my article is that there are things that $ just can't buy, and ironically they are free for all the families, rich or poor, who believe strongly enough in them.

      • V

        錢當然不是萬能,幾多有錢人家的孩子面口態度差得想打巴佢。
        但如果資源真的太匱乏,育兒真的會好困難。
        錢不是萬能,但沒錢萬萬不能。諺語是有點智慧的。

  2. 我有預感,呢度又有好野睇。留個名先。

  3. 搭句嘴,我真係唔明訓練小朋友獨立有責任心同返唔返全職工作有什麼關係?!我家有工人司機,我爸媽都有份全職工作;但他們從小也就教我不要旨意工人姐姐同我執手尾,有時我懶無去執玩具/書,那些東西便一直原封不動直至我媽晚上回家教訓我。沒帶課本也不可以打電話叫司機送來學校,因為係我自己唔記得被老師罰就抵死啦。

    第二點,沒買玩具、電玩提高創意想像力同花錢真的無關;童年的快樂建基在什麼上呢?

  4. 阿四, 我撐妳!

    $ 不是萬能, 有 $ 孩子不會自動變乖.
    請不要用冇錢賺錢來做孩子沒教好的擋箭牌.

    (看留言有點勞噪, 想發砲但唔想攪亂妳檔攤, 搬返去自已地盤吠: 懦夫的藉口)

    • Koala

      我不覺得這是懦夫的藉口, 這只是現實的殘浩。我亦曾經和老公每天做十二小時, 回到家只能講一個故事, 很多時候, 小朋友已上床睡了。Weekend 我還能陪孩子多點, 但一個能與媽媽每天一起,跟只有weekend在一起的孩子是有很大的分別。不只是她優秀與否, 而是心理上更有安全感受,性格上的缺點, 也許亦只有媽媽才有能耐去教導, 更重要是relationship does consume time, quantity does matter。這些分別, 都是我自己親自經歷的。我們在美國, 曾經請過工人, 請過朋友babysit, 甚至以為grandparents 會 好一點。後來我還是quite 了工, 自己和孩子的關係和心態都改變很大, 優秀亦只是 by-product. 若老公one income 不能support the whole family, 我還是要上班, 根本不能體會這些分別。

      • 納奧美

        或者咁講啦,

        小C的優勢, 係有阿四做佢阿媽.

        行行的優勢, 係有納奧美做佢阿媽. (我認架!!好自豪)

        Koala B的優勢, 係有Koala 做佢阿媽.

        John B的優勢, 係有John做佢阿爸.

        有$無$; 有time無time; 有面無面; 有young無young….總之只要爸媽願意發掘運用, 仔女總有其獨特的優勢.

        欣賞阿四, 最最是佢份關愛尊重孩子的心. 每人情況不同, 可以付出的也不一樣. 但, 因為愛, 總有可以為孩子做得更好的地方. 各位爸爸媽媽努力啊!!!

  5. 那的確是4大優勢,比什麼大屋、名校、工人服侍還要好!

  6. 哈哈...多謝你唔介意呀,重寫番篇添:P

    所以都話你快啲出書教吓我啦~

    心態係好重要呀,放手係好重要呀...我呢個父親呢,只算幼稚園資格,學緊~

    我條「父親EQ起跑線」好低囉,不過我係有努力向前跑緊既!

  7. eeb

    “小C甚麼都不缺"

    真的嗎? 可能她欠缺了"欠缺"

    • 我自嘲佢物質過剩都要俾你講,嗚嗚……

      不過你呢句,精呀!

      • eeb

        過"剩"定過"盛"先?

        其實我一向好認同全職媽媽既小朋友係比較有優勢,尤其係選擇放棄高薪厚職既全職媽媽,道理好簡單:
        願意放棄高薪厚職 -> 鍚自己既小朋友
        能夠放棄高薪厚職 -> 本身經濟壓力不大
        之前擁有高薪厚職 -> 學歷/能力有一定水平
        夠膽放棄高薪厚職 -> 破格、有自己既價值觀、家庭觀
        (只列舉四十四點中的四項)

        我相信大部份人做在職媽媽/全職媽媽,完全是個人選擇,不過有些選擇是在自己14歲時或小朋友出世的4年前已作出。

  8. Y媽

    對唔住,只喺路過….
    阿四你講的幾點我實在是舉腳贊成,邊個話要有錢先教得好小朋友…
    等我又學吓先…yi..但咪住先..
    1. 本人普通在職師奶一名,餐揾餐食,女兒落入老爺奶奶手中..但老人家,雖則教佢地仲多過教個女,但意見接受,態度照舊,你喺公司個camera見佢追住個女餵飯,幫佢除鞋執嘢掛書包,盡量train up 佢成港童一名,但…莫非要以離婚做威脅要老人家改變..
    2. 老爺日日趁你返工帶個女買”li”買”lo”,自己呢,返到屋企食完飯己屆就寐時間,莫非要小孩捱眼瞓做手作仔….
    3. 女兒得兩歲未有功課/project做,但如果將來有人強出頭以免有人比放工番屋企既阿媽整治又點呢?
    喺喺喺,全部四點都同錢冇關,但香港地,錢同時間好似喺同一樣嘢嚟架喎

  9. Anon

    其實,呢啲問題我諗咗好耐:

    1. 屋企有兩個小朋友嘅話,大嗰咗之後可以展現出完全唔同嘅特質。我同我阿哥嘅性情思想幾乎係兩樣嘢,我地同一個家庭,相差只有2-3年,同一種家庭教育,同一對父母,非常相似嘅起步點。但長大後,我同佢相似之處唔多。咁家庭教育嘅成份究竟有幾大影響力?

    2. 至於老人家/港童嘅問題,其實,2歲人仔被人寵壞又會唔會影響第時變"港童"?我媽咪係全職人仕,3歲之前嫲嫲寵壞(“追住個女餵飯"我都係呢種孫),之後有工人照顧。18歲之前家務完全唔識做,連電飯煲、洗衣機、ATM咭等咩都唔識用。係屋企阿爸錫到燶,落大雨時會搭的士嚟接我放學唔洗我濕身,係街無錢買嘢打個電話會有人送錢落嚟比我,返學午餐從來唔會有隔夜飯帶返學校,食魚食雞唔識lur骨,食提子粒粒去皮兼去核送到埋口,玩具從來唔缺打機公仔咩都有,第一個正式大人銀包係名牌… 我諗,我未必係港童,不過一定係"寵到壞"嘅人仔。

    到咗依家,我非常獨立,大學畢業後無問過屋企攞過錢,無話唔食隔夜飯,提子有皮照食,亦無買過一個名牌手袋,做過每星期工作90小時嘅工(捱咗幾年)。長大後我識嘅朋友,都唔信我有個咁嘅童年,個個都以為我係人地家姐,唔係阿妹(仲要係最細嗰個)。

    個分別在於,我18後堅持要去海外升學。原因有好多,其一係我早就知道屋企呢種生活唔能夠永遠。去到外國,無人無物無親戚,十萬八千里之外,邊度會有人嚟服侍/救我?我依家去到父母屋企都仲係好衰由父母照顧。不過,一返到自己間屋,就洗厠所、煮飯、執屋全部自己嚟。我父母過嚟探我之前唔信我話我好乾淨,亦唔信我識煮飯。過咗嚟探我之後,即刻無聲出。

    (哇,原來寫咗咁多嘢…) 我想講嘅係,人嘅成長變數好多,真係無一定案,唔駛咁緊張。港童有港童自己嘅挑戰,乖童有乖童自己嘅苦處。30年前我無意中去咗間只以國語授課嘅幼稚園,當時唔係吃香嘅地方,唔係咩名牌幼稚園。到咗依家,啲人羨慕我有個好開始去學國語。死未?

    • 咁如果無送你去外國,你會唔會係一個超齡港孩?

      • Anon

        坦白講,其實我唔知知道。

        不過,好緊要嘅係,我知道呢種生活唔會長久,父母有一日始終會老,所以先有要獨立嘅念頭。留係香港嘅麻煩係,一來宿舍唔夠分,被逼要住屋企嘅話就無訓練自己嘅可能。二來如果父母太近,就算住宿舍實又送飯送嘢嚟照顧我。走咗嘅話,佢地係擔心到死,但係原來個女可以活生生唔駛死。依家咁最好,係父母身邊時由佢地照顧(阿爸自動會夾餸比我,舅父睇唔過眼仲會鬧我),咁佢地鍾意咁做咪由得佢地。但係出到外面,我自自然然會獨立。唔識嘅話咪自己學,有問題就搵朋友。我諗個問題係,個小朋友要識自己諗(或者受朋友影響),繼而行動去改變。

        不過,坦白講,如果留係香港我自己搵到錢,仲同父母住由得佢地照顧又如何?我有個細姨都係寵壞咗,依家係由86歲嘅婆婆照顧起居飲食,但係婆婆去咗旅行佢又唔會死嘅。身體同人際關系暫時無咩問題。

        P.S. 我有樣唔明白,其實大家都做過細路,或者有兄弟姊妹朋友。大個咗,啲兄弟姊妹朋友好多時同細個都唔一樣呀!e.g. 細個讀書叻嘅,大個咗係咪個個都事業順利呢?

  10. Thanks a lot. Anon.

    好在有由孩子方面發出的聲音。

    其實我自己現在腦中在掙扎著的,就是,甚麼才是對孩子最好的?我們太多太多是由父母的角度出發──無論想孩子是有競爭力,還是想孩子快樂(我的其中一個最大的矛盾是,某程度上,以上的兩個目標是有conflict的──當然,又有人會出來話「唔一定既」...)。

    幸好阿四寫了,又有不同的聲音回應了,對我實在有啓發...我都想抽時間寫番篇續篇...但暫時就如之前其他人的留言,唉,呢排返工又忙,屋企又忙住湊兩件,未有時間寫...

  11. No. 1 is definitely not matters to $. For low income families, even both parents at work, they can’t afford any domestic helper. The kids in these families will be pushed by the environment to take care themselves. That’s what happened for most kids that raised in 50s to 70s before foreign doemestic helpers exist in HK.

    No. 2 is more related to the parents’ own creativity rather than $. Even I’m a full time mother and I want to do so, I don’t have much idea to play with kids like Ah4 does. (That’s one of the reasons that I read Ah4’s blog to copy her ideas.)

  12. Mochima

    四媽,你呢個topic開得好呀…
    睇左呢篇,我諗左好多。尤其「金鎖匙」呢句,我就發夢點解我唔嫁個有錢人,將我既時間心機統統俾晒佢,等佢擁有一個100%既媽媽,唔係得番一半時間(仲要有一半瞓左),半條人命既媽媽。所謂quality time,返工要打醒十二分精神,放左工仲點同佢玩到興高彩烈? 我真係好想知。明知自己會錯過佢幾多個第一次,心痛、內疚又如何? 返左工比老爺奶奶凑,佢地擺明要縱,我只好軟硬兼施,希望佢地會為個孫好同我配合下。
    我要返工,唔係為左自己既生活質素,而係因為我地兩個都要供養屋企,仲想提供一個正常既成長環境俾仔仔,同埋儲錢俾佢將來出去讀大學開下眼界。為左呢D,我唔介意由港島嫁去新界,日日坐足成個鐘村巴返工; 仲有,我冇請遮,家務自己做,做唔晒先搵鐘點幫幫手。
    但我希望,我只可以希望,佢會知道媽媽為佢盡左力,無論佢爺爺麻麻點縱佢都好,而佢會成一個認真負責任、愛家庭愛上帝既好孩子。唉。

  13. 其實會唔會家長一人做一步, 港孩就會慢慢消失? 我覺得第一步都係免費嘅, 就係家長自己都唔好同人比較咁多。
    每個人都有唔同嘅特點, 家長是, 小朋友亦是。要學自己同自己比較,做得好過上次才是進步吧!?
    自己減少比較, 例如: 唔會覺得人地個小朋友做到, 我個做唔到; 自己細個冇又好恨, 就要自己個小孩子一定要有。從而影響到小朋友唔會覺得自己個project會差過人。到最起點來說, 個porject都係學嘢姐?學到咪得,作為阿媽,我會重視佢學到幾多囉。所以怒火那"奔向你的終點"係好正確嘅做人道理啊!
    至於full-time mom 定part-time mom?我都覺full-time mom係會了解個小朋友多D, 但做唔到都唔係任何人嘅錯。小朋友看見一個積極嘅人才最要緊。到小孩長大, 唔再要阿媽ee哦哦嘅時間, 個full-time阿媽老來又要從新找起點, 又有冇人同情?

  14. 多謝大家為我的No.1&2解話!
    我始終認為,阿四的四項,平凡不過,做到是因為堅持,也因為我不曾懷疑那真是優勢。
    不過也有人認為,喂阿四你們最大的優勢,其實是No.5:有個全職媽媽!

    有媽媽照顧當然非常好,但反之又如何?全職師奶我說來當然沒說服力,不過正如(我的私人PR)一天10-12hours的納奧美所言,你也可以有你獨特的優勢。喜歡一天n hours仲要的住3隻的怒火言,從自己的起跑線,奔向自己的終點。

    By the way, 細佬到今時今日仍睡得極差,長期嚴重缺乏睡眠的我每天都行屍走肉,就算有空坐一坐,都一心只想攤屍,難怪小C每天都埋怨:妳總不陪我玩!(No. 2就是如此練成囉。)

    我贊成幼兒由媽媽招顧,但媽媽留家不就代表一切;媽媽不留家,也絕非死路一條!

  15. aulina

    (舉個手) 2:00睡,6:00起床的媽媽在此。1和2,我做緊。 (ouch.. 今晚還過了兩點添!)

    • ouch!

      我比你好一點,10pm睡,12am又睡,3am又睡,5am又再睡。撐至6am即起。

      • mama

        一個喜愛睡的bb真的為家庭帶來更大的喜樂 :>
        但我記得小c細時都是這樣,不是睡得太好(是嗎?)現在不是又變得睡得很好嗎? 比心機…等!

        我家的細佬不是睡眠極差…只是差,但食就極差,睇e生只會比開胃葯及去肚風葯,唉,你話點算好?

  16. 通告: 懦夫的藉口 | 馮師奶‧小題大作

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